I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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