She's JV to your varsity
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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