i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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