so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
