Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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