Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
