..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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