I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
