i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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