Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
