We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
