Your tits are I can't wait for
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
