Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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