Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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