Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she pinky promised me she was 18
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize