I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You peed on a flamingo?!?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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