flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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