I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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