I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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