One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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