Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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