If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
