i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
