Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
