i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
