we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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