so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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