capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
