then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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