There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
