i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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