I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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