I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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