Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
