So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
