I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
