I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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