You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you inspire me to be a worse person
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
