I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
