I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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