I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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