took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
