Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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