I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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