can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
