Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
