woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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