genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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