we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The Olympian is in my bed
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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