You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
