i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You pole danced in your parka.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
