her facebook's as public as her vagina
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
