i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
