Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
