I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
