dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
