don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
