I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
