he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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