This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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