I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
