he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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