I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
