did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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