I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
