i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
