Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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