The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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