this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
