are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
