he puts the penis in happiness.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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