I got chris browned last night
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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