Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
