I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Less talking, more tequila
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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