hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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