i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
