How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
