My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just cropdusted the office
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
