I've blown a few things in my day
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
