Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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